We know it’s August, which means two things: summer is close to its end, yet it has reached the dreaded heat peak and therefore cannot be deemed as “almost September, bring out the pumpkin lattes” without a slick wipe of the sweat off your brow and a sheepish curl of the lips. We could tell you to move up North or hide in the basement but — wait, that’s exactly what we’re going to do. That and some other tips on how to beat the heat in the comfort of your hopefully air-conditioned urban home. Actually, if you have air-conditioning, why are you even reading this post? Go set it on minimum and laugh at the people who dare go outside at noon from behind closed blinds.

Speaking of closed blinds, the first thing you should take care of is covering those windows. With (white) cotton sheets, (white) heavy curtains, aluminum foil, whatever you have – just cover them up. If the air outside is so dry that your nose is full of mucus flakes that you just can’t scrape off, it’s time to bring out the heavy artillery. Then shoot directly at the Sun with said heavy artillery, followed by an immediate march of glory. If you do not have such weapons, try hanging a damp sheet over an open window. It will cool down the breeze that comes in.

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After you’ve got those windows, er, covered, go ahead and move on to the proactive cooling of your environment that, we assume, does not have air-conditioning.  For an easy way out, place a shallow bowl of ice in front of a fan and enjoy the breeze. Eco-friendly and functional.

If you fancy a nap and are still too warm to do anything but twist and turn, wrap yourself up in a wet sheet or towel. If this also fails to bring you to the desired napping temperature, take that spray bottle out of the refrigerator (we assume you already have such bottle in said refrigerator.) Squirt cold water on self. There. Isn’t that better?

Other tips include going barefoot, staying hydrated, getting naked, sleeping on the floor or in a hammock or just ignoring the heat altogether. What heat?

Happy August and stay inside during the afternoon.

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