“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”
– Paulo Coelho
There’s no getting away from the fact that a breakup can be one of the most difficult things that both men and women alike, will ever have to do. For most people, it causes a period of heartache, which many manage in very different ways.
Once you’ve accepted the decision to end the relationship, be it mutual or one-sided, you can begin the healing process. By waiting around or sulking, you’re going to lock yourself in a circle of depression and unanswered questions.
If you find yourself lost and unsure how to handle your breakup like a man, follow these tips and break the cycle.
Table of Contents
Give Yourself Time To Feel Bad After A Breakup
Over time, us gents have been taught not to show any emotions. Orders such as ‘Man up’ have acted as barriers to stop any negative or ‘weak’ emotions from being expressed. However, one of the worst things that we, as humans, can do is to keep our emotions bottled up. You’ve just broken up with someone you cared about; you’re going to feel shit regardless of which end of the breakup you were on or the circumstances in which the breakup occurred.
It’s to be expected, it’s normal. It’s ok.
Primer magazine states that „Scientific American recently wrote about a Rutgers University study that used neuroimaging technology to show what happens in the human brain when it experiences rejection. The study participants were shown pictures of the person who had recently broken up with them. Using an MRI, researchers saw their brains “exhibited increased brain activity in several regions associated with reward, motivation, addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder, which helps to explain why you might struggle to let go after a romantic relationship ends.””
Try not to turn to temporary distractions like alcohol, drugs or become a workaholic. These will only delay feeling the pain of a breakup and the healing process. Also, how many times have you woken up regretting that drunk text or phone call you made the night before?
Talk about it. Tell someone how you feel. How many times have you sat there and listened to someone’s problems? You’re allowed to seek advice, rant or ask for comfort. It’s what your family and friends are there for. There’s no shame in this. Be grateful for the sympathy or advice that you receive and know that they’ll help you every step of the way.
Don’t Hold On To False Hope
One of the main things that keep us gents from moving on after heartbreak, is false hope. The idea that there’s a chance you’ll get back with your ex and everything will be alright in the end. Hanging on to false hope is a double edged-sword, my friends. Not only are you still hurting from the initial blow of losing someone you really cared about, but once the realisation hits that it’s over and there’s no going back, you’re just going to hurt yourself again.
You Don’t Live In The Movies
A lot of dudes are convinced that a grand romantic gesture will make her see the error of her ways and run, once more, into your loving embrace, be it playing her favourite song on a stereo from outside her bedroom window or leading her to you via a trail of candles and love notes. Nope. Doesn’t work like that I’m afraid. Years and years of romantic movies have made us believe that all breakups can be resolved by an all-or-nothing, grand romantic act. But, unfortunately, we don’t live in a movie. That’s not real life, gents. Writing her name in post-it notes on the windows of the building opposite her desk may come off as slightly desperate and will push her away. If it really is meant to be, then it will work out.
Have A She-Tox
Start this right away, and remove any way of contacting her. Delete her number from your phone. This is going to be tough, but it’s part of the process. Remove her from Facebook or Instagram; the last thing you want is to see her face all over your social feed(s) when you’re trying to get over her. Especially when she’s posting photos of how great her life is after you, or how quickly she has moved on.
Avoid any locations you used to frequent together. Be that coffee-shops, bars or gyms. Bumping into her regularly is only going to make it harder to move on. Plus, it will send the message that you’re over her, even if you spend your nights wrapped up in your duvet watching Dirty Dancing.
Men’s Health say, „by not seeing, calling, texting, e-mailing, or risking a chance encounter, you are sending a silent message that says, „I’m okay and am moving on without you.” And that’s the message you want to send, even if you’re on the floor of your apartment wrapped around an empty party ball.„
Get rid of painful memory triggers. There’s going to be lots of little relationship memorabilia and holding onto these things can make the healing process harder. You’re not going to get over your ex with her picture on your bedside table, or playing ‘your song’ on repeat every night. If you have something special that you want to remember your ex by, that’s cool, but perhaps put it away for a while, at least whilst you’re trying to get over the breakup.
Repair Your Ego
When you lose someone, your ego takes a heavy hit. The last thing you want to be doing when you’re feeling insecure is to head out to the dating scene and face more rejection. Take some time for yourself and focus on your own improvement. Head back to the gym, make new friends. Rediscover yourself.
Be sure to start small. Maybe pick something up that you put when you started dating or take up a new hobby. You don’t have to go all out from the get-go. It’s a process. Give yourself enough time and space to endulge in new activities and focus on the number one priority. You.
Reflect and Learn From Your Relationship
You’re faced with two choices when you end a relationship. You can either grow and move forward or plateau and fall back. Consider why you broke up and keep in mind that there were reasons the relationship ended and understand why it’s time to move on. Sure, there’s going to be fond memories and fun stories that you may miss, but by looking back on your time together, you are less likely to make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
Get Back On The Horse
You know what this means, gents! Just don’t bring up your situation in your conversation with the ‘horse’.
No matter how hurtful the breakup was, whether you knew the relationships was on the rocks or your heart was broken by the girl you thought you’d be with forever, moving on is a major life transition. You’ll hurt right now, but things will get better. It will take you a little time, some more than others, but you will come out stronger on the other side, ready to take on the world once more.
Let me know any breakup tips you may have in the comment section below!